Memoirs of a single Christian girl: Being single comes with all its burdens and benefits


The time out with the rural women was awesome. It was nice to put smiles on these women’s faces – at least with the skills they have acquired, they could get other sources of income; it will help them a lot this Christmas.

One thing (amongst others) that makes women stay in physically abused relationships is their financial dependence on their husbands. If they are empowered financially, they will be able, to a large extent, to take a better decision on the matter – which will not be only based on financial support from their spouses.

Anyway the smiles and joys on their faces made all the inconveniences around the outreach worthwhile. There is nothing as good as finding your path in life, affecting lives positively and helping to shape people’s destiny’s for better. It gives one a sense of fulfillment.

I really hope it will not be written of me when I leave this earth that “she got married, had children…’ and that would be all. In the Bible there are stories of how someone “begat ….,” God knows how many children and that was all that was said of them – may that not be my portion!

As I write this, I am also thinking of my children (meaning the ones in church and around me I have spent almost 10 years nurturing). Some of them are graduates now, others are in higher institutions, secondary schools and even paid employments. In the course of my daily running around, I stumble into some of them (especially those that have left secondary school) and I can see the depth of joy and gratitude in their hearts when with broad smiles they greet or wave excitedly at me and or give me a bear hug and sometimes verbally express their gratitude for all the advice, scolding and beatings I gave them, lol.

What almost spoilt my time out was one obnoxious fellow who  I am sure will go around ‘scandalising’ my name by telling everyone that I’m the one that doesn’t want to marry just because I didn’t roll over the floor in gratitude to him for wanting to marry me after we just met for one day! Tomorrow, people like him will be the ones saying that people like us like to ‘select’ too much and that’s why we are still single.

He was the team lead of the N.G.O that partnered with us to implement the project with the rural women. We talked the first day planning the activities and that was all o.  The next day over our dinner, he started asking me personal questions about my age, qualification, salary, ex-boyfriends, etc. He told me how much he loved me and believes I am the one for him, etc. When I told him I needed time to think it through as I didn’t know him at all and we needed time to get to know each other- his response:

Him: What do you want to know about me? I have told you everything about me already. Listen, I want to settle down early next year and I know you are my wife. You have spent your nights crying and praying to God to send you a husband; now he has sent you one, you are turning him down. What do you ladies want? A guy that will come and lie to you and deceive you? Baby, I am for real.

If that was all, I won’t complain much, but what annoyed me most about him was the way he kept shouting and giving me orders (like he owns me). If he had any doubts regarding my responses, he would categorically tell me how I was lying to him. He still calls me now and If I miss his calls, he would scold (very rudely too) and ask me who was preventing me from picking his call by 10 pm (he never let the thought that I was probably asleep cross his mind). We have not even started going out and he is constantly accusing me of not being true to him. The guy has trust issues (probably the reason he is still single at 45). When we talked about ‘husband beating’ issues, according to him, women should be careful about how they talk to their husbands. Hian! I am already late in marriage, let me not come and marry and be miserable on top.

Some guys just think that because a lady is ‘over-mature for marriage’ (in their opinion that is), she should settle down with anything that is called a man. According to him, he is God’s answer to my prayers – so is marriage the only thing I pray for? He should park well o!

I am not even querying his born-again status because though he says he is a committed Christian in his church, he wanted us to divert some of the funds for the women to our individual pockets as team leads (in addition to the extra income we are already getting for the work we are doing)! Tomorrow, we will accuse the government for being corrupt. Who are those in government anyway? In my opinion, they are the already typically corrupt everyday Nigerians that divert funds in their offices and carry out other corrupt vices who have eventually (and probably corruptly) got their asses into the seat of power!

I just dey look am – I am trying hard to act nice because I don’t want bad name. The next time he calls or mentions coming to visit me (I don’t bring guys I am not sure of to visit me – tomorrow if I am raped, the society and the police will blame me and look at me as the supporter of the rapist), I will tell him off finally.

PS: if you know him, tell him to stay the flying saucers out of my sight.

Anyway, before I spoil my good mood… a life of fulfillment is really worth it – no money beats the smiles of gratitude on the faces of people one has impacted positively and the lives God has used one to help mould for the better.

Jesus is truly all we all need!!


Irims Starglazzers Media: This is a media outfit that does Script Writing and produces Short Films and Documentaries.


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